Anger Management

Anger Management 

A PUSHY driver nudges your bumper in heavy traffic; you clench your fists. A colleague takes credit for your ideas; you feel cheated. You call your wife to tell her you are stuck at a meeting; she bangs the phone down on you and you go red with rage. You walk in after a hard day's work; your mother-in- law has a long list of complaints ready ... The list is endless; the common factor is anger.
The more complicated your life gets, the more people you interact with on a daily basis, the more incidents occur that can irritate, annoy, incense, madden, infuriate and enrage. Anger and its cousins are permanent residents of your emotional landscape. Shreya, 18, a Std. XII student opened up. "I feel nothing is worth it anymore. No matter how hard I try, I just don't seem to fit in. I froze on stage during my debate; the whole school was laughing at me."
Raman, 22, had a battle of words with his father. He says, "I punched my fist into the wall, threw a soft drink can out of the window, screamed at him. He can't run my life for me."

Negative expression

What's common to these incidents is that the people are battling with anger? They are not getting what they want; things are not in their control. Expression of anger takes different forms Shreya suppresses herself while Raman is defiant and destructive  depending largely on the anger victim's personality type.

Anger is frightening. Its negative expressions can include physical and verbal violence, prejudice, anti-social behaviour, sarcasm, addictions, withdrawal and psychosomatic disorders. All this can devastate lives, destroy relationships, disrupt work, cloud effective thinking, and affect physical health and ruin futures.

Rage, greed, jealousy and fear make the endocrine system release catecholamines, hormones that produce a short-lived energy surge. The overall effect raises blood pressure, stresses the heart, effects breathing and your mood. The higher the level of anger; the greater the risk of a heart attack or chest pain.

Apart from being one of the most powerful emotions, it can also be a complex, creative and stimulating aid to survival. It provides us with boosts of both physical and emotional energy when we are in need of protection and healing. It can help us to find the courage to recognise and assert our rights, make changes in our lives and be creative. Stephen .A. Diamond in The Psychology of Creativity pointed out how difficult a person Michelangelo was, bitter and depressed, imagining enemies everywhere. He was furious when Pope Julius II asked him to paint his chapel but the painting on the ceiling of the Sistine chapel turned out to be one of the most astonishing creations the world has known. There is a strong co-relation between anger and creativity, which most people are not aware of.

It's a misguided notion that avoiding or suppressing anger will help you get rid of it. This only builds up and bursts forth in bouts of temper and acts of hostility. Ask yourself if you fear your anger? And wonder if you can befriend it? Make peace with your anger, the antidote is to make it your ally.

The way out

An inner conflict when expressed positively will transform into positive energy in abundance. There is no constructive need to succumb to your anger other than to be a slave of your ego. Anger turns totally superfluous once you have mastered yourself to such an extent that fear no longer needs to find a scapegoat in anger. No small wonder when Aristotle spoke of catharsis as the cleansing and purification of emotions.

Anger is a double-edged power source. It's high-octane fuel for a blazing performance and igniting a legitimate grievance. If we bottle it up, we smoulder and erupt, it may engulf us. The choice is ours, use it as a source of change, accept it as a course-corrector and you will make it powerfully powerless.


How to cope

Face it: If you have problems coping with your anger, acknowledge the feeling.


Express yourself: Write regularly in a "hostility manual".


Communicate: Seek support from others.


Relax: Use techniques like deep breathing, positive self-talk, thought-stopping that help interrupt your anger cycle.


Perspective: Put yourself in other peoples' shoes and look at things differently.


Learn to laugh: Indulge in humour and laugh at yourself. Throw in a good measure of listening skills; it will calm you down.


Trust others: It's a lot easier to get angry than to trust people. So if you learn to trust others you are less likely to be angry.


Assert yourself: This is a constructive alternative to aggression. Though it takes more words and work to be assertive to flare up, the rewards are worth it.


No time to waste: Live each day as if it was your last, you will realise life is too short to get angry over anything.


The final step: Forgive those who have angered you. Let go of the goal of retribution, you will find the weight of anger gone.


Anger Management:
A Ten-Step Program
Accept that most things in the world are out of your control.
Accept that it is your choice to get angry about those things.
No one makes you angry.
Life is unfair. Waste no energy lamenting or trying to change that fact.
No one likes to be around an angry person. No one feels like helping an angry person.
So why be angry? Maybe you really don't want your problems solved. Maybe you just want to complain and wail and gnash your teeth.
Take stock of yourself. What do you want?
You should smile more. Your face won't break.
Anger is a weed; hate is the tree. -St. Augustine
Anger makes a rich man hated and a poor man scorned. -Thomas Fuller

"In the depth of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

-Albert Camus